Yesterday we had our first meeting to train to run the Mini Marathon. One of the things that we did at the beginning was to go around and ask everyone what their goals were. These goals were not specifically about how fast you wanted to run the race, rather the idea was what do you want to accomplish in terms of this experience shaping your life. Such questions are a therapist’s dream!
As I sit here now writing, I find my motivation alarmingly low. I am tired, hungry and it is cold outside. If I were not running this afternoon, I would go home and crash out with my cat Farrah curled up next to me. I would wake up, go to house church, come home, watch the end of the IU game and fall asleep. In truth, most of those things will happen tonight, minus me taking a nap. Sometime around 5:00, a buddy of mine is coming by and we will go to the gym. There I will jump on the treadmill and run in place for a maddening length of time; well not that long really, I need to run only three miles. Still, I hate running on treadmills. I feel like a subject in a scientific experiment just running and running while the machines do periodic beeping as readings are being taken of me and entered into a computer. Worse yet, I have memorized all of the playlists on my iPhone, so I can always tell how much longer I need to run.
I knew that I would find myself in this place. A place that can best be described as comfortably apathetic. That is why one of the goals that I mentioned during the meeting was to rediscover my mental edge.
As a wrestler, it was important to be sharp mentally. You had to be able to endure six minutes or more, in some instances, of physical conflict. While technique and skill are essential, having the mental edge is no less important. I needed that mental edge when I trained for the half marathon that I ran a long time ago.
I have observed signs in the past couple of years that I have lost my edge. I almost failed to climb Mount Marcy. It was so cold, I was tired and the trip to the top of the mountain seemed unobtainable. With the help of my friends, I was able to push through, which is great, but I was alarmed at my lack of mental toughness.
I have done enough things like this to know that I will struggle and eventually experience a runner’s high or have a come to Jesus meeting with myself. Everything will go smoothly after that. For now though I will continue to feel rather sloth-like as the war between laziness and running rages on in my head.
