There are reasons that I do not blog much anymore. For one thing blogging is often a recycling of the same old themes packaged in different wording kind of like re-gifting an unwanted present and giving it to someone else during the holidays. Aunt Peggy will like this crappy painting, now where is last year’s wrapping paper? Blogging is also an unsafe forum for me to give my take on living life as a blind person based on what I do for a living. There is no reason to intentionally put yourself at risk for the possible person who may confuse my thoughts with those of the organization that I work for. Of course the major reason that I blog so little now days is that nothing changes. As Solomon writes in Ecclesiastes, “There is nothing new under the sun.” As a result it is rare that I blog much anymore, but if you are reading this please indulge me as I briefly look at the past and share my view of my immediate future.
Moving from Indianapolis to Spokane has been quite an adventure. I have endured many challenges, made some great friends, and had some pretty amazing adventures. After two years though I am beginning to wonder if I can be happy here long-term. Do I want to live in Spokane for the foreseeable future? How happy am I with my job? Am I making some positive impact in the world? In what direction is my life heading? These are questions that have dominated my mind over the past month.
Obviously these questions are challenging to answer. It is hard to turn down the deafening noise of life and just simply be silent in the moment. It is also extremely difficult to know if frustration, temporary unhappiness, or a desire to ignore one’s own issues are influencing one’s thoughts. Perhaps most important of all, it can be hard to be honest with oneself.
It would be easy for me to simply write a paragraph about how I am going to embark on a journey of soul searching to answer these questions and how I can’t wait to share my findings in a future post. But that would be a complete lie. Chances are I won’t blog about what I discover. Life will either just go on or I will make some kind of life change. What I can tell you is that I truly am doing some soul searching and that I plan to engage some close friends in this process to assist me in finding clarity and hopefully put myself in a better position to see what God may be saying. In the meantime, life will go on as usual and like everyone else I will engage in the quest for self discovery and probably never have a clear direction. Life is not black or white, instead life is lived in the various shades of gray where we struggle to strike a balance between living with uncertainty and faith.