Early this evening I left my apartment to do well … something; I was not sure what. I knew that I was bored and really just needed to have some kind of casual interaction with people. I decided to walk to a bar I don’t like, primarily because it is close. The bartenders are all attractive females which really is the only bonus in going there. I drank one beer and as usual the crowd in the bar annoyed me. I am sure that the patrons are all nice people, but there are dudes ordering vodka tonics and spritzers, come on, really?
I left and decided not to go to the grocery store. I thought about getting that unpleasant chore over with, but it was rush hour and the traffic was crazy. I did not feel like carrying multiple bags of groceries through two stoplight controlled intersections while dodging the random poles in the middle of the sidewalk, thanks for that Spokane.
Instead I headed home. As I walked I encountered a new obstacle, a sandwich board placed in the wheelchair ramp of an intersection. I folded it up and set the sign off to the side. Putting that sign there is illegal and I decided not to let that particular business, whatever one it was, benefit from their misguided advertising.
There are two driveways to my apartment complex. I decided to take a shortcut and ended up getting very lost. My complex is large and so I spent 20 minutes wandering through cars. The shortcut that I had attempted to take was completely ill-advised as every building is offset from each other. I misjudged my crossing angle and as a result I kept walking, and walking, and bumping into parked cars, and walking, well you get the idea.
A couple, I am thinking married, said hi as they got in their car. I say married because a dating couple their age, early 20’s probably would have been too engrossed in one another to have noticed someone nearby. Instead of asking for help I decided to play it cool and gave them an enthusiastic hi. They drove off and I wandered on somewhat aimlessly.
As I made my way around curves and past cars and a motorcycle I felt very alone. I thought that once I figure out where I am at I would go to a familiar place, but I realized that there is no place yet on the north side that “knows my name.”
I finally decided to walk toward the sound of traffic which as usual was a good idea. I figured out my mistake, tried the shortcut again, because I do not like to lose at something, and walked up the flight of stairs to my apartment.
Still feeling somewhat defeated and lonely I opened the door. My cat greeted me by blowing past me like a wide receiver who just put a move on a cornerback leaving him tripping over himself as the receiver takes it to the house, Thanks Farrah I mutter.
For a moment I allowed myself to complain. Why is everything that should be simple so hard? What do I need to do to make more friends? Why am I complaining about this when this is how life goes? And the only actual important question: why did I not ask that couple for help?
Instead of asking I assumed that I would encounter another person and never did. When I was saying hello to them I distinctly remember saying to myself, ask the next time you see somebody. It is like when you see a really hot girl who talks to you but you are not prepared and you’re “A game” is nowhere to be found. After she is gone you say to yourself, I will be ready next time. Chances are though, you will never see her again and there is no next time, the future encounter that you imagine is a meaningless scenario played out over and over again in your mind.
As people, blind or not, we struggle with asking for help. Sometimes I am good at asking, other times like tonight, I pretty much suck. Still I refuse to let my somewhat self-imposed rough early evening dictate my mood or life. I think that I will catch the bus and head downtown.